The Lord of the Mood Rings: The Two Flowers
by Rochelle Adams
Summary: And so it continues...the marvelous tale of Dodo Flaggins. With Iceemart growing and invading, will Dodo make it to the famous toilet of Jeldur? And what is that creature in the speedo?
1. Of Speedos and Fireworks

**Marie: We've actually started the next book! Yay! Enjoy and then review!**

**Copyright © 2005 Rochelle Adams and Marie Carlson. All rights reserved.**

**Disclaimer: Just look at the one at the very beginning of the first story. Thx!**

Bingaling was falling. Of course this made sense since he had just let go of the remains of the Great Crossing. Now all he had to figure out was how to get rid of the evil Little Sister.

He grabbed his stick thing. He thought he could probably create some fireworks to amuse the thing and then when she wasn't looking, whack her on the head! Haha! It was so crazy it just might work!

He straightened himself out and started zooming after her like a bullet. He was almost on top of her and started to do some fireworks. She seemed amused but she wouldn't let him get a straight shot at her.

After a while they both tired of this and soon Bingaling started to make conversation.

"So…come here often?"

"Bingaling!"

Dodo awoke with a start. He had dreamed that Bingaling was actually being forced to communicate with the evil Little Sister!

Spam was worried about his master. "What is it?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing," replied Dodo, lying back down again. "Just a dream."

**The Two Flowers**

Dodo and Spam walked around for quite a while before they realized that they were all together lost. This was a bit disheartening since they had been doing so well just a while ago…except for the whole Dork ambush, but other than that…

That night a strange creature crept down the cliff toward where Dodo and Spam were sleeping.

"They stole it from uss, the thieveses," he muttered.

He was about to grab Dodo when he tripped over- you guessed it- that pesky pile of thorny sticks that continues to appear in the most inconvenient places for reasons no one can explain.

And, of course, he landed right on top of the bobbit he had been attempting to strangle. This scared not only him, but Dodo as well. They both started screaming and running around in circles.

So, as a result of the screaming, Spam was awoken and he noticed his master running around along with a strange creature in a Speedo. This both disturbed and amused him, the disturbing part being the Speedo and the amusing part being Dodo running around, seeing the creature, screaming, then running around again, etc.

After a while, however, Spam decided that he probably should put a stop to it. He quickly grabbed Dodo and smacked him upside the head, trying to knock some sense into him. This only succeeded in giving Dodo a minor concussion.

"I don't wanna go to the…dentist…Mommy! I wanna go to…the Red Lizard with Mitt…and Sad…and Spam…and…" Suddenly, after babbling on in a strange manner, Dodo collapsed onto the ground with a thud.

Since this wasn't he reaction he had hoped for, Spam was a little shocked at seeing his master out cold on the ground. Luckily he recovered in time to grab the strange creature that had caused the whole incident, but not without getting a few very annoying remarks from him.

"You sstupid fat bobbit! You've knocked him out cold!" it said while putting on some spectacles so he could see better.

Spam noticed once again that he was wearing a Speedo. _Must be from Europe_, he thought. He also noticed that he had a strange British accent and liked the letter 's' since he seemed to repeat it often in one word (example- sstupid).

After Spam had apprehended the thing, he tied him up to a rock and started to interrogate him.

"Who are you?" he asked, pacing back and forth.

"Unhand uss, you hooligan! We are not criminalss, mooodie!" he said.

"Where were you on Friday, July 15, at 7:00 in the evening? Answer me!"

The creature looked at him with raised eyebrows (yes he has eyebrows) and he just rolled his eyes.

_The sstupid fat bobbit is crazy, my love. Crazy!_

"You won't talk, eh? Well I'll show you!" Spam went into his pack and pulled out a jar.

The creature's face contorted in horror at the sight of it.

"No! Anything but that! We'll be jolly good, we promissss!"

"Icy Hot!" exclaimed Dodo, who had awoken from unconsciousness. He turned to Spam, a worried look written all over his face.

"It burnss uss! It freezesss uss!" The Speedo-wearing being cowered now, trembling with fear.

"Spam, don't! This is Melvin! He can help us!" Dodo protested. He would do a lot for a fellow schizophrenic.

Spam looked at him skeptically. "Mr. Dodo, he's wearing a Speedo and he hisses. Anyone who wears a Speedo and hisses cannot be trusted!"

That made Melvin a bit indignant. "You chapss are rather rude if you think that we are not trusssstworthy sssimply becausse we have a ssspeech impediment!" He got a little teary. "You try going to sschool all the way in Europe when you talk with a lisssp!"

Spam didn't buy this. He whispered to Dodo, "Maybe he's an escapee from an English mental ward…"

"Spam!" reprimanded Dodo. He turned to Melvin. "I'm sorry about that Melvin. You have been to Jeldur, correct? You know the way?"

Melvin nodded, not quite sure where this was going. His summer vacation to Jeldur hadn't gone the way he'd planned it, what with the plumbing and sewage system being deplorable with that giant toilet in the center of the country, not to mention that giant nose that hovered over their main tourist attraction- a 50 foot flower. Melvin didn't care if it smelled good, that nose should wait in line with the rest of them.

"You will lead us to the White Door in return for us not torturing you with Icy Hot, alright? But you have to promise that you won't attack us again!" Dodo rubbed his head at the thought.

Melvin nodded and said, "We ssswearsss on the…on the Mooodie!" He pointed to the mood ring that hung around Dodo's neck, licking his lips in the process. Oh how he wanted to see what his mood was!

Dodo was wary of him. "The mood ring is treacherous. It will hold you to your word."

Melvin nodded again.

_Oh we will get it back, my mooodie, my love. In time, we will get it back…_

**Note: So concludes the end of the first chapter of the second book of the Lord of the Mood Rings. Hope ya like, but we can't know unless u review. Yess, review, my Mooodie!**


	2. Of Coconuts and Skulls

**Marie: Hey! Sorry that it took sooo long to update. Rochelle was at camp and she's the one that posts them! Enjoy!**

Mitten woke up to find himself being uncomfortably carried on the stooped shoulders of a Dork…a very fat Dork. He looked around and saw his good friend Sad riding on another one beside him.

"Hullo Sad!" he said.

He then noticed that his bobbit friend had his eyes closed and didn't seem to be moving very much. He also had a black eye. Mitten, after much intelligent deduction based on the motionless nature of his comrade along with the contusion on his eye, concluded that the only logical reason for Sad to be acting that way was because he was napping. He decided to leave him alone.

Suddenly the lead Dork motioned for the rest of the…pack…to stop. He sniffed the air, which is rather hard for a Dork since they have major nasal issues, and then snorted.

The Dork by his side pushed his thick glasses up his nose and said, in a whiney voice, "What is it? What do you smell?"

The Dork sniffed again and then made a face. "Ugh, body odor!" He sniffed the air some more and added, "And strawberry bubble bath!"

Mitten brightened upon hearing this. There could only one man whose body odor would carry across the plains like that, only one man who would be so bold as to go without a shower for so long…or deodorant…

"Thonagong!" he whispered happily to himself.

And of course he knew that the strawberry bubble bath had to be none other than Legolordas. Even Mitten knew that.

This turn of events made Mitten hungry (what's new?) so he thought he'd eat that mushroom he'd saved from earlier…except he had not hands available. He decided his teeth and nose would work just fine. He started to try and reach it in the pocket of his vest…except instead of latching on to a mushroom he latched onto the brooch of his Gothlorien cape (it was black with a skull…what do you expect, it is called Gothlorien!). It came off and fell to the ground.

"Ah man! I liked that!" he whined. "Ooh! Are those swallows carrying a coconut?"

The Dork carrying him rolled his eyes and muttered, "Everyone knows that coconuts don't migrate!"

XXX

Legolordas came around a corner to find Thonagong resting his head on a nearby rock. He was very irritated since Thonagong had already been ragging on him earlier for complaining about needing more beauty sleep.

_Just because he's a mysterious woodsman and future king he thinks he can do whatever he wants!_ The Bell thought.

So he remedied the situation. He walked up to the man and swiftly kicked him in the stomach.

"YOW!"

Legolordas didn't think he'd heard such an odd noise in all his life. It was like a mixture between a grunt and a howl.

Blini had just come around the corner and he brightened upon hearing the sound. "Hey! Mitten's yodeling again!"

"No, I was just waking Thonagong up from his little nap."

Blini seemed a bit confused by this but only shrugged.

Thonagong stood up slowly, still a little doubled over, his face very red. He tried to say something but it only came out as a squeak. Legolordas watched the whole thing with a very satisfied look on his Bellish features. Finally the woodsman got it out.

"I was listening for the Dorks' footsteps' reverberations in the ground when Legolordas…"

"Quit your whining! I've already looked across the plains and they've quickened their pace, probably because they caught whiff of you!"

Thonagong countered this attack. "They probably smelled your strawberry bubbled bath!"

Legolordas gasped at this insult! How dare he!

"Ooh! You got burned!" Blini enjoyed their quarrel…until he got smacked with some plastic fruit…

They continued on their way, although not without some glares exchanged between the Bell and the Man.

Thonagong stooped to pick something up off the ground. He fingered it, eyes widening.

"Shiny…"

Legolordas came up and looked over his shoulder. "Ew! A Skull! Gross! That's just like the ones on our tacky cloaks that Gladbags gave us." He shuddered.

Blini peeked his head over Thonagong's shoulder and looked too. "I'd have to agree. Never did like skulls…no hair…"

"I think it's a sign!" exclaimed Thonagong.

"No, it's a skull," said Blini slowly, as if the man was retarded (there's been some speculation as to whether that statement is actually all that false…).

"It's creepy, that's what it is." Legolordas turned away.

"No, I think it's a sign left to us by one of the bobbits. One of them tore it off their cloaks, dropped it to the ground, and hoped that one of us would pick it up."

Thonagong's two companions stared at him for a second and then started laughing.

"Like one of _them_ would be smart enough to do that!"

"Face it, laddie, your theory's all cracked up!" Blini smacked him on the back as he said this, he and the Bell laughing their heads off with Strydex not exactly in his happy place.

"Move it!"

The two jumped at the ferocity of this roar and they both scampered ahead, fearful of what he would do. They'd heard rumors of his substituting his sword for a plunger…

**Note: Review please! Let us know what you think of the second one so far! Thx!**


	3. Of Cactus and Insects

**Marie: 'Nother chappie for ya! Hope you like it!**

"Legolordas, what do you Elven eyes see?"

"I don't have elven eyes, I have blue ones!" Legolordas wondered what this word 'Elven' meant. Was he insinuating that he wore contacts?

"Whatever! What do you see?"

Legolordas squinted. This was a fine job for a Bell! Being reduced to the level of being the look out. Stupid blind man…

"They've turned left…no right…now they've made another left…and…" He gasped as he realized that this course was obviously the Dorks following the signs leading to… "They're taking the bobbits to Iceemart!"

Thonagong growled. "Taraman…"

XXX

"Now my little cactus children, what are we going to do?"

Taraman's army of man-eating cacti all growled in unintelligible noises. Well unintelligible to you and me…and everyone else except for Taraman the Creamy Meannie, the only man in all of Central Earth who had learned to speak Cacti! He continued with his spiel in his high squeaky voice.

"That's right! You're going to go to that big land that's filled with all the nice villages…AND KILL THEM ALL! MWAHAHAHA!"

The evil laugh could use some work since it sounded like the screeching of tires on asphalt. His minions laughed with him.

"Okay that's enough."

He paced back and forth in front of his prickly troops, looking them up and down, basking in the drama of the moment, his speech well rehearsed.

"Now that you have your orders JUST DO IT!"

Sure he had stolen the Nike slogan, but whatever works, right?

At the same time, in the big land that's filled with nice villages, some very blonde men rode into a town carrying another very unconscious blonde man. They rode to a large building that shined brightly in the sun because it looked to be made of some sort of metal. The lead blonde carried him inside.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"Your kid's, like, um, really hurt."

A very blonde girl sat by an old man, twirling her hair and chewing on a piece of gum. The old man was also blonde and he looked like he was under a spell…or stoned…

"He was ambushed by Taraman's Dorks." The lead blonde from the group of riders watched from a distance.

The blonde old geezer was sitting in a large throne-like chair decorated with holly and ivy. He also had on a very large red suit.

"That's a lie!" whined a voice.

Emerging from the darkness was a man…or at least we think it was a man…with stringy hair and a whiney voice (resembled Taraman but not nearly to that squeaky extent). He seated himself next to the blonde king.

"Hey, where did you put your suit?" demanded the lead blonde.

"Hey, Homer, where did you put your brain?" he shot back.

"You listen to me, Tina Maggotnose, if you try to continue to poison King Theo's mind I'll squash you like the bug you are named for!"

"Hey, Homer, Tina's not a bug's name, it's, like, a girl's name." The blonde girl popped a gum bubble loudly.

This sudden noise caused King Theo to jump up suddenly and yell, "HO, HO, HO!"

Everyone glared at the girl but she continued chewing.

Maggotnose turned back to the previous conversation. "For your information I am the personal assistant of…"

"…Taraman the Creamy Meannie?" finished Homer for him.

Maggotnose started to nod but he took a double take. "ye…I mean, NO!" I'm…"

"…possessed by chickens?" That was from the blonde girl.

Both men looked at her strangely. Possessed by chickens? That was a horrible accusation and almost harder to prove than if you'd accused someone if they were a witch. I mean if they were a witch they would weigh as much as a duck, but possessed by chickens? That was tricky business…

"I am personal assistant to the king so therefore I have the authority to…"

"…be a squirrel?"

Once again the interruption was followed by the two males staring in the girl's direction. Her eyes were wide and she looked extremely serious, but…a squirrel?

Tina was getting very annoyed. "NO! I have the authority to…"

The girl opened her mouth but as quickly as that occurred Homer had clapped a large hand over her chewing mouth.

"Just shut up, Mayotin, pleeeeease! Go make some mayonnaise or something…"

The blonde brightened up and went skipping off in search of her favorite thing- mayonnaise.

Homer turned back to Maggotnose. "What were you saying?"

"AHEM! I have the authority to banish you, Homer, withforth from…"

"FORTHWITH!"

"HO, HO, HO!"

"How can she hear me all the way out here?" asked Tina, puzzled that the girl had supersonic hearing waves yet ultra stupid brain waves…

"And how did she know you made a grammatical error?" added Homer.

"I made a grammatical error?"

"Just get on with it!" exclaimed Homer. Grr…interruptions…

"Okay, you're to leave and never come back."

"Or else what?"

"Or else we kill you until you are dead."

"Seems simple enough."

So that was how Homer, Rider of Noblonde, was banished from the Silver Mall.

**End note: Gosh it's been a while since we updated. Truly sorry. Hopefully we'll have a couple more chapters for you in the future. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Of Opera Singing and Forests

**Marie's note: Yay! Another chapter! Sorry we haven't updated very often but we haven't had any creative inspiration for a while. Now we're doing better. Enjoy!**

"We need to stop! My sugars are getting low and I believe my lungs are failing. You know I have a breathing condition."

The group of whining Dorks finally came to a stop on the borders of an oddly colored forest. Most of the vegetation was pointy and had three predominant colors- orange, yellow, and white. The group started to go into the forest to look for food and all that junk.

"Sad…? Oh, Saaaaaad?" Mitten tried to shake his comrade awake. "SAD!"

"We know you're sad, you stupid Semi-lings, but we don't care!" replied a nearby Dork who was taking out his chess set.

"Mitten?"

The bobbit looked down to see his friend awake, although a little groggy.

"Hullo Sad! How was your nap? I'm sorry for waking you but I don't think that much sleep is healthy, even if you are tired from the long walk…although I guess you didn't do any walking, did you?"

Sad watched his companion babble on for a while and then he mumbled, "I don't think we…we made a mistake leaving the Choir, Mitten."

His friend nodded rapidly, resembling a bobble head toy. "I agree. This isn't all that bad. I don't think I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely."

Sad sighed and said no more. He had found it was useless trying to reason with the boy.

The Dorks built a fire and a sweet, sugary aroma filled the air.

"This reminds me of the Mold Forest, on the borders of Doeville," said Mitten. He frowned though. "Although I guess it smelled more like mold than…cotton candy…"

"Are you sure you aren't just smelling Legolordas's bubble bath? It's a pretty strong scent, you know…" suggested Sad.

They looked up upon hearing a commotion among the Dork chess game.

"What is conspiring here?" asked a more intelligent one.

"He cheated!" exclaimed the loser of the game.

"Pirate!" popped out of the mouth of the winner.

"You're not a pirate! You're a Dork!"

"Who's a Dork?" asked another.

"WE ARE!" exclaimed one standing near Mitten and Sad.

Amid the commotion a single Dork came up to the bobbits who were, at that moment, struggling to get away from the growing din of whiny complaints and flying chess pieces.

"Did you say you were from the Choir?" he asked, looking around nervously.

The bobbits looked puzzled and Sad answered slowly, "Yes…"

"Oh, la! What good fortune!"

"La?" asked Mitten. Sounded like something…actually he hadn't ever heard that before…

"You see, I haven't always wanted to be a Dork."

"Really?" asked Mitten, putting his chin in his hands, clearly interested in a life story.

Sad rolled his eyes and added, "I never would've guessed."

"Yes, since I was a small I've dreamt of being…" He paused for effect.

"A beaver?" offered Mitten.

"A moron?" said Sad. He glanced at his counterpart, sighed, and said, "No wait, that's already taken."

"An opera singer!"

"Wow!" exclaimed Mitten, eyes wide.

"And what does that have to do with us?" requested Sad.

The Dork shrugged and said, "Well, if you don't take me with you when you escape and teach me how to sing I'll force you to hear my friend yodel."

"I love yodeling!"

Sad sighed. Two idiots, one dreaming of opera and evil plots, the other thinking of…nothing…

"You do?"

Suddenly the flying blonde body came hurtling on top of the opera singing Dork, knocking him unconscious. Apparently his horse had tripped over a thorny bush…

There was soon a whole horde of blonde horsemen going after the Dorks. The bobbits decided now was a good time to shuffle into the forest, getting out of the way of the stomping, tripping hooves of the horses.

XXX

"A red sun rises…"

"It's not red, it's more of a peachy, reddish color," argued Thonagong, looking at it with Legolordas.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's red…"

"I'd say it is a mixture between the color of strawberry lemonade, crimson, and a flaming orange…"

The two turned and looked at Blini, wondering how a mole could have such a knack with colors.

Thonagong turned to Legolordas and asked, "Sooo…why did you point this out?"

The blonde Bell thought for a moment…okay for about fifteen moments…before it came to him. "Oh! It means that mud has been spilled this night." He smiled triumphantly.

"Mud?" asked Blini. He shuddered. "Mud gets under fingernails and ruins manicures…although that does give moles more business…"

"He meant cud," said Thonagong.

"You mean liked what cows eat and then regurgitate and stuff…?" asked Legolordas, cringing.

"Well, yeah, isn't that what you meant?" asked the man.

"No, I meant…wait, what did I say?"

"Oh, never mind. Let's just go!"

Thonagong, Legolordas, and Blini moved on, trying to follow the trail left behind by the Dorks. So far Mitten or Sad hadn't left any more signs, although Blini begged to differ, claiming that the trampled anchovy they had encountered a while back had belonged to Mitten. It was dismissed under the assumption that the bobbit would never drop food unless something incredibly bad happened or he was scared to death, like when their route was described to him by Blini and he dropped his roll (although he did pick it up and eat it later…).

"Hey, I hear something!" exclaimed Thonagong, listening closely.

"Oh, yeah? Are the voices back?" asked Legolordas sarcastically.

"No! My therapist discharged me before we went on this quest!" he snapped back. _Everyone knows Dodo's the one with problems…_

The other two looked at him curiously but said nothing else. Let him hear things, just let him shut up about it…

"Don't you wanna know what I hear?" the man asked.

"Um…no…?" replied Blini.

"Why don't you just keep your thoughts to yourself?" suggested Legolordas.

"Fine, if you don't want to know that I hear some Riders coming, probably to annihilate us, then be my guest. Get yourself knocked from here to Montana."

"What's Montana?" asked Blini.

"Riders?" Legolordas asked nervously. He turned around and dashed behind a rock. "See ya!"

Blini soon followed, along with Thonagong tagging soon after. They all hid behind a rock, awaiting the arrival of the mysterious Riders that Thonagong "heard"… Guess they gotta wait and see…

**Note: Well, there ya go. Please review for us!**


	5. Of Blondes and Yodelling

**Marie: 'Nother chappie. Come on! We have five chapters! Say something!**

"Ooh! Look, they're all blonde! Friends!"

Legolordas attempted to go out and meet the host of flaxen-haired riders, only to be tripped by Thonagong.

"Are you stupid?" the man whispered loudly.

"Uh…."

"You can't go out there! How do you know they aren't Dorks in disguise?"

"Seriously, how could a Dork ever pass as a Rider of Noblonde?" said Blini.

Thonagong was about to yell at him when he felt something small and fluffy whack him on the back of the head. Legolordas's eyes widened as he looked at something behind the future king. He turned, hearing a man talking to him, armed with another stuffed animal that he was ready to fling at the small company should the need arise.

"What business do you have here?" the lead man demanded, taking off his helmet.

"We don't have a business here, although I believe I have offered my services to some of the people in this country, mostly large requests for redoing blonde highlights or manicures. Actually I think I've done your hair before… You know I have my set with me and I could fix up those roots in a jiffy…"

"Shut up, mole!" he exclaimed, clearly annoyed with having his roots pointed out. He surveyed the group and asked gruffly, "What does a Bell, a man, and a mole have to do with the Riders of Noblonde?"

"Wait, why is it called 'Noblonde' if you're all…?" Legolordas thought this a simple question considering the entire company had blonde hair but apparently certain people found this question rather unimportant.

"Am I the one who named this stupid country?" asked the man, the question plainly rhetorical.

"Uh…"

"NO!"

The blonde man now turned away from Legolordas's still pondering form to speak with Thonagong.

"I am Thonagong, son of Bonagong, this is Blini, son of Bloin, and that one over there is Legolordas Greentea, son of….yeah, so we are friends of your king…um…"

"Theo O. Dan?"

"Yeah, that one. Anywho, we're looking for a couple of our friends," finished up Thonagong.

"You sure you aren't spies?" he asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

"You sure _you_ aren't spies?" shot back Blini.

"Oh, go eat dirt, Mole."

"Moles don't eat dirt," Legolordas pointed out. "Worms eat dirt…"

"We are not spies. We just want to find our friends, who were captured by Dorks a while back."

The blonde still watched them warily, but then said, "Nah, you can't be spies. That's giving you way too much credit."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Blini, taking a step closer, clippers in hand.

"It means I don't expect you to understand what I mean," he shot back. He then thought to himself, trying to make sense of his own comment.

"Have you seen our friends?" Thonagong persisted.

"What friends?" asked the man, clearly confused.

"The ones that were kidnapped by Dorks!" the dirty man exclaimed, exasperated.

"Your friends were kidnapped by Dorks?" asked Legolordas of Thonagong, eyes wide.

"We just killed a bunch of 'em over there." The lead rider gestured toward a steaming pile off in the distance.

"Did you see any bobbits?" asked Blini.

"No, I've never heard of a hobbit," replied the man.

"What's a hobbit?" asked Legolordas, obviously not following the conversation…again.

"I said BOBBIT!" yelled Thonagong.

The conversation pretty much went that way for a while- Thonagong explaining what a bobbit was, Legolordas and the riders listening intently, Blini threatening even though he was only about 4 and ½ feet tall…

Finally they departed from each other, but not without gaining a couple of horses and learning the name of the lead rider.

"I am Homer, niece of the King."

"Niece?" Thonagong's eye twitched.

"I don't have a niece."

"No, you said you were the niece of the King," said Blini.

"No, I'm the nephew of the King," said Homer, frowning.

"But you said…" Blini started.

Thonagong sighed. "Never mind."

The group rode over to the steaming pile of Dorks. And when I say steaming I mean steaming. Apparently Homer and friends weren't sure if cutting them into teeny tiny pieces would do the job so they burned them just in case. Didn't leave the most pleasant aroma, but at least they were sure none of them were going to come back to life.

The group searched around for the bobbit bodies but no luck. Blini, however, found something that disturbed them all- some melted wax fruit.

"NOOOOO!" Thonagong kicked a nearby helmet, causing him to yell again, only this time in pain. Not smart kicking metal helmets because that tends to break feet…unless you have metal feet…

"Hey that's my line!" exclaimed Blini.

"They're gone!" sniffed Legolordas. "I can still hear Mitten's yodeling."

Thonagong looked up from his swollen foot. "Hey, me too!"

Legolordas nodded sadly. "I know."

"No, I mean I really do hear yodeling!" He ran over to where the sound was coming from. "They must've got out of the way!"

He continued to follow the sound, only to stop abruptly at the entrance to the strangely colored wood.

He gasped. "They've gone into Candycorn Forest!"

**Note: Haha! I just love this story. Anywho, please review or else you'll never find out what's in the Candycorn Forest, if Legolordas will ever find the Wizard of Oz so he can get a brain, and how Dodo and Spam are holding out with the hissing, Speedo-wearing Melvin. **


	6. Of Ants and Gizzards

**Marie: Since at this point in time we still haven't gotten any reviews I'm going to use this- PLEASE DO NOT SEND US ANY REVIEWS WHATSOEVER! WE DON'T WANT THEM ANYWAY! No I'm just kidding…here's the next chapter-**

_Yodel-leeee-hiiiii-hoooooooooo_!

"Mitten, stop yodeling!"

The two bobbits wandered through the sugary forest, looking at the surrounding territory. The sounds of the battle behind them had died away and they were now immersed in the stillness of the woods around them.

"Ooh, trees…" Sad looked at them all around him. He liked trees for some odd reason, just like Mitten had an obsession with mushrooms…except Sad didn't eat the trees. He simply climbed them.

Intermixed with some of the strange orange, yellow, and white formations were trees bearing fruit of the same color. Sad's stomach growled so he figured he'd climb a nearby tree and pick one.

"I'm going to climb a nearby tree and pick one," said Sad to Mitten.

"Pick one what?" he asked in reply.

"A piece of fruit."

"Um…why?"

"Because I can!"

The bobbit made his way up the tree and was soon nestled in the branches, munching on the sweet fruit.

"You should try some!" he exclaimed to Mitten.

Just then, the bobbit that was still on the ground noticed that there was a stooped form coming toward them making horrible noises with his mouth.

"Laaaa, la, la, la, la, LAAAAAA!"

Gasp! It was the opera-singing Dork! Apparently he hadn't stayed unconscious for long…

But Sad did not see this and when he tried to throw some fruit at Mitten he…well, missed. Missed rather badly, I must say. The fruit bounced off a nearby tree and smacked into the forehead of the opera singing Dork.

"La, la, la, la, LA...OW!"

The thing let out a screech and then fell to the ground in an opera singing thud.

"That was close…" began Mitten until he heard Sad screaming. He turned to see Sad clinging for dear life to the tree.

"Hey, uh, Sad?" he said pointing to the tree. "That tree you're in is moving…"

"I KNOW IT'S MOVING! WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M SCREAMING!" he exclaimed.

"Uh…"

"DO SOMETHING, MITTEN!"

So Mitten did the only thing he could think of- kicking the tree…which was stupid since kicking trees, especially moving trees that were made of very hard bark, tended to leave not only swelling and pain, but splinters in the skin, to top it all off.

But Mitten needn't have worried about coming up with yet another brilliant plan as the tree soon scooped him as well. Now clutching them both tightly and holding them up to his face…gasp! It had a face!

"What are you two dork dudes doing in my turf?" he asked with a slightly ticked expression. He said it rather slowly and drawn out, like those surfer guys you meet at the beach with bleach blonde hair and really tan skin…

"We're not Dorks!" protested Sad, trying his best to squeeze out of his grasp.

"No, we're nerds, Choir nerds to be exact, which I believe is one step above dork…"

"Shut up, Mitten!"

"Well I thought I should answer it since the tree is, after all, talking…" Mitten's eyes widened. "Sad! The tree is talking!"

"I'm not a tree, dude! I'm an ant!" it said indignantly.

"Really? Hmm…could've fooled me…"

Sad sighed. His friend was not making any progress, despite his less than wonderful efforts.

"Aren't ants supposed to be small and tiny and black with six legs and antennae…" Mitten babbled on.

"Excuse him…um…what was your name?" Sad thought that this would make a little more progress than Mitten's current conversation of establishing what ants look like…

"I'm Treegoatee…" he started.

"You know, I once wanted to start growing a goatee except it didn't work out well. Well, it started to but then I tried to dye it pink and it kind of fell out…"

"Mitten, I don't think Treegoatee wants to hear about your experiences with your goatee."

Mitten blinked. "I don't have a goatee!"

"Could you all just kinda shut up for, like, a minute?"

The bobbits turned their attention to the giant surfer tree that was holding them.

"Okay, um, listen little Dork dudes…"

"We're bobbits," said Sad.

Treegoatee narrowed his eyes at him and then said, "Hey! You! Did I ask you fer nationality? No. I wanna know what you're doing in my pad. This here region belongs to, like, me and the other ants and we don't particularly like little Dork dudes wandering around, especially when they try to eat ma bodaciously rad hair."

"We didn't try to eat your hair!" exclaimed Sad. Excuse me but, EW!

"Uh…yeah! You, like, pulled it out of ma scalp and ate it. You also chucked one of them at a Dork friend of yours simply because he was fond of singing. Now, dude, I don't particularly like opera but that's, like, no reason to pull someone's hair out and throw at the person who is singing it, okay?"

"Hey, I can see my house from here," commented Mitten, clearly not paying any attention to the conversation.

"Firstly, we weren't trying to eat your hair; we thought you were a tree with fruit on it. Secondly, we're BOBBITS, not Dorks. We were captured by Dorks and just escaped. Also, we wanna know what side you're on." Sad thought this got straight to the point.

"Dude, I'm, like, not on anybody's side. I think everyone should be, like, peaceful. But ya know, I guess you could, like, ask my friend about it…"

Sad wondered who this friend was. "Who is this friend?" he asked. Wait I already told you he had wondered about that…

"He used to be, like, all…white…" Treegoatee was obviously trying to remember his friend.

"Ooh! A squirrel!" exclaimed Mitten excitedly. He loved guessing games.

Sad tried to think about famous people who used to be white. Michael Jackson? No, he used to be black and now he's white. Suddenly, he thought of something.

"Was he a gizzard?" he asked.

Treegoatee's features brightened. "Hey, ya, dude, he was a gizzard. Still is last time I checked…"

Sad's face fell.

_Taraman._

**Note: So whaddya think? Do you like…? Let us know! And continue to read as we continue to update! **


	7. Of Clowns ad Beagle

**Marie: No comment. Just read.**

"Ssee! I led you out!" Melvin turned to Spam, glared and said, "I told you sssoo!"

Dodo ignored their quarrel and looked around him. They had just exited the lightening valley and luckily no one had been injured…well not too badly. Spam _did_ get hit but it only made him look like he'd stuck his finger in an electrical socket for about a day. Melvin told him by the time he was 40 his hair follicles would start working properly again.

Of course now they had to face an even worse peril- the perfume marshes filled with terrible things that no one would even speak of. Blini told them it was like going through the perfume department only magnified about ten thousand times. The horror!

_We better keep moving or else we're going to get ambushed by beavers. You know they're quite common in these parts_.

Dodo scoffed at his voice again. Beavers? What could be so threatening about beavers?

_Well you know, they have those really sharp teeth that bite things and then those tails that slap things…you don't want to mess with them._

Then Dodo's voice went into great detail about what happened to a friend of his who got attacked by a beaver. The bobbit shuddered at the description and quickened his pace.

"Ugh! It smells awful!" exclaimed Spam.

Melvin looked around anxiously. "Yess, that it doess. We found it, the way through the perfume marssshesss becausse we didn't want to take the sstupid buss tour offered by the travel agency. Takesss too long. Thiss way iss much better."

"So suffocating yourself is better than be stuck in a tour bus?" said Spam. This British thing was definitely a strange creature, you could tell by the Speedo. Shudder.

Melvin sighed. "Would you rather be ambusshed by Dorkses? They often attack the tour bussess." Everyone knew that.

"Dorks!" exclaimed Spam in horror.

"Dorkses," replied Melvin with a nod. "But Dorkses don't usse thiss way. They're too afraid of the clownses."

Dodo stared at him wide-eyed. "Clowns?" He gingerly rubbed his shoulder where he had been stabbed accidentally by the vampiric clown Nasal a while ago. He didn't want a repeat of that any time soon.

Melvin cackled. 'Yess, clownses. Fortunately clownses don't like Sspeedoses." He snapped the small swimsuit he was wearing, making the bobbits painfully conscious of it once again.

"Clowns don't like Speedos? Why?" asked Spam, carefully picking his way along, holding a cloth up to his face to avoid breathing in more of the toxic fumes than necessary.

"No, mooodie, they don't like them because…"

Spam suddenly jumped and yelled, "Ack!"

"No, it's more of a back of the throat thing. Aaagh…" Dodo suggested.

"No, I mean ack! There are dead things, dead clown faces in the water," exclaimed the bobbit, staring down at the perfumed water. No wonder they died in this place…

"No, they're hibernating," said Melvin sarcastically.

"Really?" said Spam, looking at him bewildered.

Melvin sighed at the bobbit.

_Sstupid fat bobbit. Doessn't know what ssarcassm iss, mooodie. _He shook his head.

"They're leftover from the great war between the clownses and the beaverses, back in the firsst age…The perfume and toxinses apparently presserve the bodiess." Melvin continued on his way, but stopped, turned around and said, "Don't ride the unicycless."

He was right. There were clown unicycles littered everywhere. Apparently this was clown's main mode of transportation, although the vampiric Nasal clowns preferred cows since they got great gas mileage.

"Well that's the freakiest thing I've ever seen," commented Spam as he studied the clowns wide open eyes, bulging red nose, and pale white face with its huge smile imprinted on its features, lying in the purple tinted waters.

_Let's go over there!_

Dodo pushed his voice aside. Not now!

_Try one of the unicycles! They look like fun! Besides, it's not like it's hard to balance on only one wheel!_

Dodo had to admit, they did look like fun, in a disturbing clown and pain inflicting sort of way. He wandered away from the group and went over to a nearby unicycle, glancing around to make sure the other two weren't watching. Spam was too busy hacking up a lung and Melvin was adjusting his Speedo.

_Now's your chance! Go for it!_

Dodo leapt onto the unicycle and tried to pedal it. Of course, it would've helped if he had some sort of ability to balance such a vehicle…or knew how to pedal. This lack of talent caused him to fall headlong into the perfume laced water…right into the small body of a midget clown.

Even though it was a midget it was still about the size of the bobbit. Dodo opened his eyes under the water to see something…which wasn't the smartest thing to do since IT BURNED!

So Dodo screamed in pain which was also stupid since that caused him to fill his lungs full of water, make him gag and swallow more water making him choke causing him to…you get the picture.

As Dodo was floundering in water that was only about 2 feet deep, standing on top of a dead midget clown, Spam finally turned around when he heard splashing. He saw his master in the water and gasped.

"Dodo! Now you have to take a bath? You had that opportunity in the lightening valley!"

Spam, of course, didn't mention that this is what had caused him to get struck by lightening. Well, Melvin had told him to lift his back scrubber as far in the air as he could to ward off vampires…

The Brit in the Speedo leapt into action. Well actually he didn't _leap_ per say, he kind of dove into the water and started doing a lovely breaststroke over to Dodo. Apparently he wore that Speedo for a reason.

The strange creature dragged the wallowing bobbit out of the perfumed water onto the pink grass. Dodo coughed and choked and gagged and was finally able to utter…

"Ack! Ack! Melvin…?"

"Don't ride the unicycless!" he exclaimed.

XXX

"Sssoo colorful…sssoo MOOODIE!"

Dodo was jarred from his day dream about his mood ring when he heard Melvin talking about it. He walked over to him and asked him, "What did you say?"

"None of your beesswax!" he exclaimed and stuck out his tongue.

_He was not very different from a bobbit. Lived with the water people._

Dodo repeated this to Melvin, realizing that if he was one of the water people this definitely explained the Speedo.

Melvin just sat there with his fingers in his ears yelling, "BLAH, BLAH, And BLAH!"

"Your real name is Beagle, isn't it!" he yelled. "And remember, anything you say and do can be used against you in a court of law!" Dodo stopped, bewildered.

_Me thinks you've seen way too many cop shows…_

"B…b…b…" Melvin closely resembled that of a sputtering motor boat. "Beagle…?"

Suddenly an ear shattering moo could be heard above them and the aroma of smelly feet filled the air.

The two bobbits and Melvin/Beagle looked up and the sight that met them filled them with horror. If Dodo had thought he had seen a lot of terrifying things in his lifetime nothing prepared him for this.

Flying through the sky was a Nasal, mounted on a new way to get around- a Smells Feet! The Ringrose was riding a giant foot with wings!

"A Ring around the Rosy!" exclaimed Melvin.

"Actually it is a Ringrose, my dear Beagle, not the popular children's nursery rhyme you suggested," started Dodo until he had his arm nearly yanked off by a hysterical Spam who was pulling his master to a bush to hide.

They sat there for quite some time while the Nasal and the Smells Feet flew around above them.

"Do you have any Dorks?" asked Dodo.

Melvin glanced at his hand. "No, Mooodie, go fissh!"

Finally the creature left them and they were able to travel again, although a little more cautious than before.

Spam shuddered. "Dodo, I don't think we're in the Choir anymore…"

**Note: Still no reviews. You…sniffle…don't…like us! Wah! Sniff. Well, life goes on… **


	8. Of Bingaling and BlingBling

**Marie: Um…just read it okay?**

"They've gone into Candycorn Forest!"

Legolordas glanced at Thonagong. "You said that already."

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Now let's move on."

The group slowly made their way into the forest. They were not far into it when Thonagong noticed something behind Blini.

"Blini, a Dork!" he exclaimed pointing to the Dork that had been previously unconscious but was now waking up.

Blini jumped and swung himself to one side, yelling frantically, "Where!" This quick movement caused his backpack to swing around and whack the poor half aware Dork flat on the ground, once again out cold.

Thonagong sighed and said, "Never mind."

They continued on their way, the mysterious woodsman's eyes ever on the ground, searching for prints. He noticed some strange markings in the ground.

"These are strange tracks," he commented, kneeling down to study them.

Legolordas looked over his shoulder, gazing at the tracks also. "Hey, it sorta looks like a bunny."

"What?" Thonagong looked at him like he was growing bunny ears himself out of his little blonde head.

"Yeah, see the little ears and the fluffy cotton tail sticking out there…" The Bell pointed at the track, tracing the shape.

Blini came up and stared at it also. He leaned his head to side. "You know if you cock your head to side and squint and stick out your tongue the thing does kinda look like a bunny…"

The other did this, keeping their gaze fixed on the rodent shaped foot print. They kept this up for quite a while until Blini heard a twig snap.

"Possessed Chickens and Waddling Ducks!" he exclaimed, jumping at the noise. The group had been concentrating so hard they had not realized something had snuck up on them.

Legolordas looked up with wide eyes and then he whispered, "The Not-So-White Gizzard approaches…"

"Don't let him speak!" said Thonagong.

Blini looked at him, a frightened expression plastered on his face. "Do you think he'll put a spell on us?" he asked fearfully.

Thonagong scoffed. "No, I just don't like the sound of his voice. It's annoying."

"It's like nails on a chalkboard," said Blini, shuddering.

"Or the squeaking of a straw being pulled slowly through the plastic lid on your soda," added the woodsman.

"Like a Shih Tzu being chased by three baby chipmunks with rabies."

They all looked at Legolordas, wondering where that came from.

They're attention was drawn back to the present peril when a bright light shined in their eyes.

"AH! My eyes!"

"It burns!"

The light started talking, strangely enough, and it said, "Ya'll are tracking three hobbits."

"We're tracking two bobbits," corrected Thonagong. What was this hobbit he spoke of?

"Actually we're tracking a man with bunny-shaped footprints!" said Blini excitedly.

Thonagong narrowed his eyes at the talking bright light and said, "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by chance happen to have bunny shaped feet?"

The light paused and then said in a deep voice, "Do you always begin conversations this way?"

"I think you began the conversation," commented Legolordas.

"Whateva," it replied in an annoyed voice.

"Where are the bobbits?" demanded Thonagong, losing his patience.

The light seemed to be thinking. "Hmm…I think they passed this way in April…"

"It's still March," responded Thonagong. Then he brightened. "Who are you?"

He only knew of one man who lost track of the months that easily but he was supposed to be…

"Bingaling?" he asked timidly.

The light dimmed a little and then a hulking black figure emerged, a white grin on his face.

"Yo, homies!"

"Bingaling?" Thonagong said again, this time with a bewildered expression and twitching eye.

"Nah, don't be like that! I'm Blingaling the Black now, man." He motioned toward his black skin and now black outfit.

"Ooh, that's a very slimming look on you, um…Blingaling." Legolordas looked at the gizzard approvingly.

"Hey, how come you were all shiny if you're wearing all black?' asked Blini.

Blingaling laughed and said, "Man, it was the bling!" He jingled the heavy metal jewelry around his neck. Legolordas couldn't help thinking he looked like Mr. T.

"But, but, but, but, but…" Thonagong was guttering like a car out of gas.

"Lemme guess, ya'll thought yo favorite gizzard had…fizzled."

"Fo shizzle," replied Blini, nodding.

Blingaling went on to tell the tale of his fight with the dreaded Little Sister. Actually it was more like how he had been smart enough to call its parents and have it picked up for day care.

"How did you know?" asked Legolordas, listening intently to the story.

Blingaling shrugged and adjusted his bling. "Ya know, Big Blingaling ain't sure. Alls I know is that I figured that it needed supervision and then I was like, 'Yeah!' and I got out ma cell phone and called 'em up."

"What happened after that?" asked Blini.

Blingaling said that he was exhausted from his ordeal with being a temporary baby sitter for the Little Sister and he asked if he could get a ride with the Little Sister's parents. They said of course and they all piled in their car…except this family's car was giant (bigger than a Hummer) and the seat belt was much too big for Blingaling. They came to a stop and Blingaling (then Bingaling) was hurled out the window.

Since obviously he died then he was sent up to where he had come from. The big dudes told him his job wasn't done so they were going to send him back. Except since he was there they decided they might as well put into motion their project to spread racial equality among the gizzards. They made Bingaling the Silvery White into Blingaling the Black, which everyone thought was a great improvement. Who wants to hang out with a stuffy old guy with a four foot beard anyway?

"I have come back to you at the turn of tide," said Blingaling the Black.

"What tide?' asked Blini, clearly confused.

"Hey, I use Tide! It smells so fresh!" Legolordas started to sniff his clothing.

Thonagong sighed. "This is going to be a long quest."

**Note: BTW, I think I spelled "homies" wrong but I'm not sure. Don't shoot me. Hope you guys are ready for the next chappie!**


	9. Of Pony Fax and Platypus

**Marie: Here ya go. Read.**

The man, the Bell, and the Mole followed Blingaling the Black outside the forest.

"We gotta go to Noblonde cuz they ain't doin' so hot right now."

The gizzard quacked and over the plains came riding a sight none of the others had ever seen before, although I'm sure they'd wished they'd heard of it before because it would've made their lives easier.

What I'm speaking of, of course, is that great myth of unbelievably fast mail service-

"Pony Fax!" said Blingaling, satisfied at its response.

Legolordas inspected the logo on the horse's side. "Send your mail with Pony Fax, fastest horse on Earth."

"Yeah, Pony Fax has helped me many times when I forgot to mail ma taxes on May 15th." Blingaling patted the animal on his neck.

"Um, Blingaling, it's April 15th, not May," pointed out Thonagong.

Blingaling blinked and then grinned, "Oh that would be why I neva remember…"

The group mounted their horses and rode toward Noblonde's capital and whatever evil awaited them there.

XXX

"The White Door."

Melvin motioned toward the enormous White entrance to Jeldur. It looked freshly painted and Dodo couldn't help noticing that they missed a spot about a third of the way over to the left…

"Oh shave us, my old Staffer would have a thing or two to say if he could see us now," said Spam, obviously in awe of the door that rose before them.

You could see the dreaded Flower with the Nose of Baron hovering over it, sniffing occasionally. Off in the distance the great Toilet Bowl looked ominous. The Great Flower spewed toxic pollen and fragrance into the air. It was a dreary sight indeed.

"Shave us!" exclaimed Dodo, responding to Spam's comment. He was rather attached to his hair, thank you very much.

"Beagle doesn't want to be shaved!" the creature exclaimed, covering his already bald head.

Spam ignored them and said, "Well, I guess we're not getting in this way." He turned around and started to walk away…until he was yanked back by Melvin.

"My good fellow, what makesss you think that we led you all the way to the White Door of Jeldur for you to jussst look at it and leave?" he hissed, his eyes narrowed. Apparently he wanted them to do something with all the work he did for them.

"Beagle's right, Spam." Dodo looked at it and then noticed something. "Hey, I think someone's opening the door!"

But Spam wasn't listening. He was looking down at the ground. "Hey! I think I see someone's sandwich!"

He pointed down to a rock where a morsel was left lying there. He leaned over he edge of a rock to get a better look at it so he could drool some more.

"Spam!" exclaimed Dodo, looking at his precarious position.

"What?" he asked, and then he rolled his eyes upon seeing his master's worried expression. "I'm perfectly safe!"

Melvin, who had never been too fond of Spam since he had tried to threaten the Speedo-wearing Brit with Icy Hot, decided that now was a good time to try and get rid of him…but he couldn't be obvious.

The creature looked the other way from the bobbit and whistled 'inconspicuously'. All he had to do was give that fat one a little nudge…okay it was more like a shove.

Spam cried out since he hadn't been aware of Melvin's evil plot and toppled over the side of the hill, rolling with incredible speed and, what looked like, much pain to the bottom. Dodo watched this commotion with a surprised and a little amused expression on his face. I mean, its not every day you see your chubby friend go skidding down a hill, am I right?

After the bobbit had gotten over his enjoyment of the spectacle he turned to Melvin, wondering if he had anything to do with what happened. Melvin looked at him with innocent eyes.

He looked around and then pointed at a nearby platypus and said, "Um…he did it!"

Dodo restrained himself from going to beat up the strange and out of place platypus since he knew he probably should be helping his bobbit friend. He scrambled down the hill to where Spam was waist deep in wood chips (its not like they would put gravel near Jeldur because you could get hurt on those sharp things…although I suppose splinters weren't much better…).

He dug him out and they both sat there trying to avoid being seen by the army of circus performers (they go hand in hand with clowns you know) that had just arrived to get orders from the Dark, very dark Lord Baron.

Dodo realized that they needed to hide themselves quickly so he used their Gothlorien cloak which, of course, wouldn't show up against the light brown wood chips even though it was black…

Two circus performers came over and looked around (they really should've looked down…), saw nothing except for a Brit in a Speedo being beaten up by a platypus so they went back to their ranks and acted as if nothing had happened.

Dodo breathed a sigh of relief, pulled the cloak off and he and Spam got ready to run to the Door (he was sure they could pass for midgets)…until he found himself suddenly on the ground being babbled at by Melvin, while Spam sighed and glared at the creature angrily. Although the pudgy bobbit was temporarily distracted from his staring by his original mission- the sandwich. He ventured over to it, picked off a piece of dirt and started munching away happily.

Dodo watched as Melvin continued to jabber on about not taking the Mood Ring to the Dark, very dark, Lord Baron, and how He wants it and blah, blah, blah.

_Gee, like we haven't heard this before._

The bobbit perked up upon hearing Beagle say something about a passage.

_Ooh, I've always liked coming in the back way. Element of surprise._

Dodo wondered what his voice was getting at. "Are you saying there's another way into Jeldur?" he asked of it.

Surprisingly Melvin responded by saying there were some stairs and a tunnel. The former river person was clutching tightly to Dodo's sleeve, making him cringe a little at the thing's skin. So…pruney…

"He's smup da somephing…" started Spam with food in his large mouth.

_Uck. Tell your friend to close his trap._

Dodo ignored the voice, though he had to admit the crumbs and chewed salami were a bit distracting. "He's led us this far, Spam."

"Mphr. Frodo, mo!" Spam mumbled.

_Translation- Mr. Dodo, no! I'm tempted to agree with the fat one on this._

"He's been true to his word." Dodo shrugged them both off. "Lead the way, Beagle."

The creature took off. "Tally Ho!"

**Note: Thank you, Stallions and Dragons, for reviewing! Finally someone! Lol. Made my day. Well Rochelle and I hope u guys are liking it. The next one might be a little long…either that or I'll split it into two…w/e. CHAPTER TEN- COMING SOON!**


	10. Of Metal Detectors and Orlando

**Marie: Told you it was coming soon. Here ya go.**

"Meds-R-Us, and the Silver Mall of Medusa."

Blingaling pointed out a very shiny building they were nearing, located at the center of Meds-R-Us, the capital of Noblonde.

"There dwells Theo O. Dan, king of Noblonde, whose mind is…"

"Stoned?" suggested Legolordas. He was merely trying to be helpful. I can assure you he didn't expect to see a lock of his beautiful blonde hair go floating to the ground as a result of this comment…and Blini's very capable scissors. He shrieked.

"Hey, man, that's what you get for interrupting me."

Blini sniggered. There was now an obvious spot on Legolordas's scalp that was missing some hair. Good ole clippers…

Blingaling continued. "His mind has been poisoned by Taraman."

Blini blinked. "How can you poison someone's mind? I mean, I know you can poison someone's body, all you gotta do is crush up about fifty sleeping pills and pour them into someone's drink…" Upon noticing everyone staring at him Blini cleared his throat and said, "Not that I've done it or anything…"

Legolordas sighed. "My dear Blini, he did not say 'mind' he said 'rind'."

Thonagong frowned at this. "Rind? That doesn't make any sense. I'm pretty sure he said 'behind'."

"Behind! What? How can you poison someone's behind and what good would that do?" the Bell pointed out.

However the mysterious woodsman ignored this and shot back, "Well how about your comment? 'Rind'? I don't have a rind? Do you? I don't think King Theo has one!"

Legolordas stuck his tongue out at the man and so he stuck his out at the Bell in response. Blingaling quickly broke up the feud and told the group to be careful what they said and did.

XXX

"Hey, little cousin dude? Are you, like, dead or something?"

Tina Maggotnose sighed at the girl. Was she really that dense? Of course he was dead! He had died that night, no thanks to her. She just sat there popping her gum and reading the latest issue of _Mayonnaise_.

"No, he's hibernating," he said sarcastically. This was a well known pun. Many used it- Taraman, Melvin…himself.

Her mascara rimmed eyes widened. Then she frowned and said, "Do people really hibernate?"

Tina sighed again. "Never mind."

XXX

Blini surveyed Meds-R-Us, thinking it looked a bit drab and severely lacking some serious highlights. It was obvious that it had been a while since the moles had visited. This would hopefully be remedied.

"You'd find more cheer in a…" He didn't get to finish.

A little voice rang out. "Did you say cheer?"

Suddenly a whole company of blondes in cheerleading outfits that read, "Noblonde Number One" skipped up. They quickly started doing stunts and cheers.

"One! We are the Horses!

Two! A little bit louder!

Three! We still can't hear you! We are number…

One! We are the Horses!

Two! A little bit louder!

Three! We…"

The leader was quickly knocked unconscious by Blingaling's long stick thing (yeah he hadn't lost that).

The group continued to move through Meds-R-Us until they came to the entrance to the Silver Mall. There was an army of guards waiting for them at the doors, wearing your normal Matrix style suits only with hot pink ties to spice things up a bit.

"Sirs, we're sorry but you need to go through security first. Please remove all metal objects from your pockets, purses, backpacks, beards, staffs…"

Blingaling interrupted at this part. "AHEM! It's a long stick thing!"

The guard rolled his eyes and said, "LONG STICK THINGS, wax fruit containers, and sheaths."

They had no other choice so, regrettably, the four started pulling out things from the most unlikely of places since they consisted of metal. Blingaling was very upset since he did not want to part with his newfound accessory- bling. But unfortunately this would most definitely set off the metal detectors so he took it off temporarily, holding the guards to their word that he would get it back when he was done. He refused to part with his long stick thing, however, and told them he needed it to lean on, plus it had a great stereo built in and he promised them he would show it to them later.

The first to go through was Thonagong. He did fine and gathered up all his stuff at the other side. He waved at those still waiting and grinned, his not-very-white teeth (I would say it's a lovely shade of yellow…) glistening.

Next was Blingaling and since the only metal he had was his bling he did alright too.

But that's when the trouble began. Blini was the next one to pass under the dreaded metal detector. He slowly walked under it and thought he was home free…

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

The mole glanced around frantically, wondering what the noise was and why everyone seemed to be staring at him like he was a criminal. Suddenly some guy was putting his hands all over him so Blini did the sensible thing- kicked him where the sun don't shine which is easily accessible for a mole.

Suddenly Blini was aware of a roaring, trampling sound and it seemed to be getting louder. He turned around and his eyes widened in fright. A large group of…abnormally sized men in black suits and pink ties were now running at him with full speed.

"AA…_crunch_!"

The sounds that followed were that of Blini, son of Bloin, being dog piled and squished by men in pink ties.

Suddenly the metal detector operator realized it was simply a glitch in the system and the large pile of men receded and Blini was left on the ground, a little flatter than before.

Now by this time Legolordas was very nervous about having to go through next since he wasn't too fond of being groped and then tackled even if the men he was being tackled by had great taste in ties.

He walked timidly through the detector, as his stuff passed through the X-Ray belt beside him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped through and no blaring sirens started sounding off. He was about to get his stuff when he felt a little tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, sir, but we need to look through your stuff for safety measures. We think we may have found something but…we just need to check."

Legolordas had no idea what they were talking about so he stepped aside and let them do their thing.

The men started shuffling through his bag, picking up some of the more curious objects- a picture of Orlando Bloom (whoever he is!), strawberry kiwi body mist, a bottle of moisturizing lotion, and some hair dye. That is what got their attention- the hair dye. Apparently it had some sort of element that was being used widely in meth labs recently and it had been banned from Noblonde (which would explain the increasingly visible hair roots).

Upon realizing this after being slammed against a wall, his face now embedded in the plaster, Legolordas mumbled innocently, "Um…that's not mine…"

**Note: YAY! I love this! It so funni! Lol.**

**Rochelle: I love all of you who have reviewed which is…one. Pleez continue to review because it inspires us and makes us feel like we have a reason to keep writing. Keep reading!**


	11. Of Cheese and Bathing

**Marie: There ya go! 'Nother chapter for you!**

THREE HOURS LATER

After Legolordas was released the group continued their original mission- to see King Theo O. Dan. The authorities said that Legolordas would be back to normal in a couple of hours, once the truth serum wore off.

Blini and Thonagong followed the gizzard to the throne room (actually a little place set up in the middle of the mall), wondering why Legolordas looked so happy.

Tina Maggotnose noticed them nearing and whispered to the king, "Its Bingaling the Silvery White! No doubt he's come to cleverly spread evil in your kingdom! They're not welcome!" He attempted to do this in a dramatic manner but it was somehow useless with his not so masculine voice.

"I LIKE CHEESE!" a Bellish voice suddenly rang out, sounding oddly like Legolordas.

"HO HO HO!"

Tina was taken aback at this strategy. They were smarter than he thought, tricking King Theo like that, making him look vulnerable!

Tina noticed the awkward silence that happened then so he quickly coughed, "coughcough…er…say something…coughcoughcough."

He caught on, amazingly enough.

"Why shouldn't…all of us…give you cheese…Blandalf…Storm…bolt…?" murmured the King.

Tina blinked. It seemed the intelligence of his master had lessoned of late. But he could go with this.

"A…uh…just question…my…liege…" he said haltingly, a look of bewilderment and embarrassment etched on his face. He was met with blank stares.

He cleared his throat and continued. "Late is the hour…"

"No, its 10 a.m."

Tina glared at Mayotin and started again. "Late is the hour that Blandalf…er…I mean Bingaling…chooses to-"

"I SHAVE MY LEGS!"

"HO HO HO!"

"SILENCE!"

"HO HO HO!"

"THONAGONG HASN'T TAKEN A BATH IN THREE WEEKS!"

"HO HO HO!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"HO HO HO!"

Legolordas continued with a cheesy grin. "YOU CAN SMELL HIM A MILE AWAY!"

"HO HO HO!"

Blini moved a couple of steps away from Thonagong.

Finally order was restored and Tina resumed his monologuing, until, of course Blingaling smacked him on the head.

"Silence! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!" he hissed.

Legolordas's eyes widened. "YOU HAVE A FORKED TONGUE?"

"HO HO HO!"

Tina shrunk back when the Bell pounced on him, tugging on his tongue unceremoniously, looking for forked-ness.

Apparently he saw something since he shrieked, "SWEET TO LIFT, REX KWON DO!"

"HO HO HO!"

Blingaling shook his head and said gently to Legolordas, "Hey, Leggy, why don't you go stand in the corner and stare at the walls okay?"

He grinned happily and said loudly, "OKAY!"

"HO HO HO!"

Blingaling walked slowly toward King Theo, his long stick thingy pointed at him. He started saying something about releasing him from a spell and all that junk. Theo wasn't taking it well though. In fact he starting squawking something fierce.

Blingaling gasped and said, "He's possessed by chickens!"

Everyone joined in the gasp. Possessed by chickens? Oh no!

Blingaling knew that the only thing to do was to blind him with his awesome bling-ness. He tore off his robe (regretting this of course since now he had no robe to wear to protect him from the elements). Then he noticed that he wasn't catching the light quite right so he started to move closer. This didn't work too well as there was a pesky pile of thorny sticks (it's not gone! Its never gone!)sitting right in front of the throne and his long stick thingy plunged towards King Theo!

Everyone gasped again!

Legolordas started doing an Irish Jig.

Luckily the long stick thingy only managed to whack King Theo soundly on the head with a loud thunk. I'm sure the crowd was afraid that Blingaling the Black had just cracked King Theo's very thick skull but obviously it was a numb skull (haha…yeah I know…).

King Theo let out one last squawk and then he was back to normal, much to everyone's, including Blingaling's, surprise. The possessive chickens went into a herd of pigs that conveniently appeared out of nowhere and the pigs ran off a cliff that also appeared out of nowhere and the people living at the bottom of the non-existent cliff had a very nice luau equipped with roast ham with chicken flavoring.

Then ajdkl;afsdfds

Sorry. It's at this point in the story that my cat's head fell on my hand while it was typing. Not like it was decapitated or anything, like a severed appendage, he was just…oh never mind….

As everyone was looking down to the bottom of the cliff Thonagong couldn't stand it any longer. "Okay! So I haven't been able to properly bathe in a few days, but you try taking a decent shower when you're chasing Dorks and bobbits!"

**End Note: Yes this is random and stupid and pointless and probably the dumbest chapter that we have ever written but WE DON'T CARE! MWAHAHAAHAHA!**

**Marie's Note: HO HO HO!**

**Rochelle Note: Lots of the phrases in here, including Sweet to Lift Rex Kwon Do is dedicated to my close friend, Peter. Lots of credit goes to Peter for his ingenious stupidified state. Although I still think I'm stupider than him.**

**Marie: STUPIDER ISN'T A WORD!**

**Rochelle: HO HO HO !**

**Marie: REVIEW!**

**Rochelle: HO HO HO!**

**Both: HO HO HO!**


	12. Of Plungers and AUGHHH!

**OMG! FINALLY! MORE! Okay……..here it is!**

**Marie: Hey guys. Sorry it took so long to update this. Although we have to admit that we haven't had nearly as much of a response to this one as to the last one. We need more REVIEWS!**

Since Theo O. Dan was now restored to his somewhat normal mind as it had been before there was much rejoicing in the land.

"Yay…"

But there was still a slight problem and no, we aren't talking about Legolordas's addiction to cave spelunking. It seems the King wasn't all that happy with Tina for putting him into a stupidified state.

"I keel you!"

The whole crowd was very surprised to see the King lunge at Tina with a plunger that came out of nowhere. For a moment Blini wondered if it had been somewhere among Thonagong's belongings…

Tina, seeing the King was rather displeased with him, decided to book it out of the throne room at surprising speed. For a moment Theo's shocked expression showed he had not expected this reaction to his plunger outburst but he was soon chasing after the pale he/she/it.

"I keel you!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"No, no, it's more of a back of the throat thing. Augggghhh!" The bystander was trying to be helpful apparently.

King Theo raised his plunger and looked about to plunge (haha, get it?...okay yeah…sorry…) it down Tina Maggotnose's throat when he hesitated and looked toward Thonagong, who was harmlessly twiddling his thumbs nearby.

"Ahem!" Theo started to cough violently and somewhat suggestively.

"You should really get that checked out," pointed out Legolordas.

"AHEM!" King stared at Thonagong as if expecting the future king to stop him. "Uh, you know, I'm going to kill him…like…right now…."

Thonagong looked at him with a bored expression. "Okay."

"No really. I'm really going to kill him…with this plunger…right now…"

"Okey dokey then."

"It's coming down towards him as we speak. I'm _killing_ him."

"You do that."

Finally the King put down his plunger and said, "Oh never mind."

Tina looked at both men, saw they were obviously confused, and took this as an opportunity to run away.

So he did.

Thonagong suddenly looked around.

"Hey! Where'd my plunger go?"

Legolordas smiled evilly. "I ate it!" Apparently the effects of that strange serum had yet to wear off.

And then Blingaling slammed his head into the stone wall.

_Thunk._ "Why me?" _Thunk. _"Why me?"

**End note: So yeah. That's it for now. So we're going away now and we know this is short but it's NOT LIKE WE GET ANY REVIEWS ANYWAY!**

**Rochelle: Marie is right…we don't get any reviews! **

**P.S. REVIEW!**


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